“Three Parties”: Memorable lines

As a follow-up to the recap, here are some memorable lines from the episode “All in the Family.” Did I miss your favorites? Add them in the comments.
Robert: It’s grandstanding, it reduces me to a prop, and the writing is reminiscent of a high school essay.
Kitty: Campaigning is grandstanding, and if you’re a prop, you’re a heroic one, and if you’re mad at me, don’t take it out on the speechwriter.
Justin: Using a phone to type a message is like using a TV to listen to radio.
Rebecca: As if you’re the only guy I know with addiction problems. It’s L.A., you throw a rock and you hit someone who’s working the steps.
Justin: It’s just like it’s my first party, real party since rehab, that’s all.
Rebecca: Well, if your newly discovered half-sister wasn’t enough for you to fall off the wagon, I don’t think anything else will.
Justin: I’m kind of used to being the bad influence around here.
Rebecca: There’s a new black sheep in town, J, get used to it.
Gary: We’re Republicans. Our one celebrity’s busy running California.
Kitty: I can’t believe that Gary is making me do an entire weekend of hero-worshiping puff pieces on my mean boyfriend who I’m having a fight with who I’m not supposed to be having a fight with because he’s running for president, like that’s some big deal or something.
Sarah: Did you get all that out?
Kitty: Not even close.
Sarah: If I don’t get away from Joe and the kids for a few days we’re going to wind up on the evening news.
Chad: I started thinking of all the things that people do together that we can’t.
Kevin: What, like get a good night’s sleep?
Nora: Do you drink coffee? Theoretical coffee, it could be orange juice, or something with bubbles, it doesn’t have to be …
Mark: Nora, you’re forgetting how to speak.
Nora: It has recently come to my attention that I can do whatever the hell I want. I can afford to travel, I can afford to stay home, I don’t scare easy, I’m not afraid of a fight. I’ve learned some lessons, I’d like to use them.
Kevin: I hate that word — career. It’s like the modern-day religion. What about your life? You know what your problem is, Chad? You can’t make a decision about what it is you want. And this whole panic of yours is just going to keep happening. You’re not coming out of any closet, okay? This faux little crisis of yours is just going to keep going on and on. You know what, I don’t want to be a part of that anymore.
Chad: So what you’re saying is …
Kevin: What I’m saying is, Chad, some relationships need drama in order to survive. I don’t want that kind of relationship, okay. I don’t want to be a part of some humiliating semi-’50s throwback affair just because you’re gorgeous and everything else that you are. Life is too damn short.
Chad: That’s for sure. By the way, it’s great to know that the only reason you’re attracted to me is because of my looks. You’re an ass, Kevin, you know that?
Kitty: We all know how guys are at that age, they’re immature and grabby, was he grabby? I bet he was.
Alice: Don’t you work for him?
Kitty: Yeah, yeah, but nobody, nobody is that perfect, not even Mr. McSainthood.
Nora: They’re just pictures, Rebecca. It’s not like I caught you rifling through my underwear drawer.
Rebecca: I was just looking at these pictures thinking, they look so normal.
Nora: And I think we are pretty normal, given the circumstances.
Rebecca: Your son pulled a hair out of my head to run a DNA test, which is ironic because he doesn’t know if your middle son’s baby is his or your youngest son’s.
Nora: Yes, when you put it that way, we do have our eccentricities.
Nora: Rebecca, he was a good father, he was a good businessman, he was very smart, he could be very kind. He also carried on a 20-year affair, embezzled from his own company, and kept a child from me. Now that’s the whole truth.
Justin: Whoa, mom, step away from the offspring.
Sarah: You have lost your mind.
Kitty: No, I know exactly where I left it.
Sarah: You can’t keep up with me, it will only end in tears.
Sarah: Don’t drunk-dial any U.S. senators.
Kitty: There must be something in the water or the artichokes because everybody in this town loves you.
Robert: Really. Well, I guess my multi-million-dollar check to the Chamber of Commerce must have cleared.
Emily: This may be a cocktail party, but I don’t know which blanket that little piggy’s going to be under, if you get my drift.
Nora: I don’t even know what that means!
Emily: I think that was maybe nice when Fawn Hall was around. You know what that is, that is about six inches too short for today, six inches too long for a lay.
Kitty: I just really don’t want us to embarrass ourselves.
Sarah: Okay, slurry.
Kitty: Oh my god, Sesame Street is having a party.
Rebecca: It’s really sweet of you to try to be all protective. It’s the Walker thing, you guys all take care of each other. But I didn’t have the all-American, apple pie, earnest mom and pop, 16 siblings.
Sarah: I’ve never felt this old in my life.
Kitty: Well, what about that time …
Sarah: Yeah, you finish that sentence, you’re dead to me.
Kitty: We are not going to party down with unaccompanied minors. I don’t want to end up on an after-school special.
Sarah: I liked those specials, remember those?
Kevin: I wish I was a chivalrous ass, instead of being just wholly an ass.
Justin: Mom? How was your night … with your pimp?
Nora: Don’t look at me, really, and not another comment from either one of you, got it?
Kevin: Got it. I mean, clearly, you’ve had a taxing night … which hotel bar you working out of?
Nora: A little bit like how we have to decide whether to believe you or not. Are you Mark August, the aging literary bad boy? Or Mark August, the slightly long in the tooth enfant terrible of letters? Or Mark August, the nurturing academic? Or Mark August, the disingenuous L.A. Casanova-slash-pedophile?
Mark: Why don’t we go out in the hallway.
Nora: And what are you going to do about poor Juliet?
Mark: I’m going to teach her to write a coherent sentence.
Nora: Oh, is that what they’re calling it nowadays?
Kitty: I did go there thinking that if I could find any dirt on you at all it would be buried in your hometown.
Robert: You can bury dirt? How does that work?
Brothers and Sisters, ABC, Three Parties, recap, lines


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