Brothers & Sisters

Justin, poor boy, is doing his rehab at the most beautiful facility on earth, with ocean breezes and cute yoga instructors to hit on and mango smoothies. If only his family wouldn’t keep spoiling the view. “Only in California would rehab look like this,” says Kitty, and she’s right. But only in the Walker family would rehab look like being the confessor for your siblings and their squabbles. Coming to dump their baggage on their recovering little bro are:

Kitty, who has to make a decision about whether to work for Senator McCallister. On the one hand, she has no particular experience in being a communications director or really anything other than a talking head. On the other hand, you know, he’s Rob Lowe, and awfully nice to look at, and very charming, and hard to say no to, especially when he’s wielding a rifle. After plenty of flirtation and gunplay, she agrees to be his employee, making future romance unethical but probably inevitable.

Kevin, who, speaking of future romance, is ticked that Kitty would work for a senator who voted against gay marriage. He marshals all his arguments for Kitty, who complains “this isn’t conversation, it’s litigation.” They engage in an episode-long argument about gay marriage that somehow ends with Kevin apologizing, Kitty taking the job, and McCallister revealing he has a cute gay brother, too. Is that the ringing of civil ceremony bells we hear in the future?

Sarah, who, as if she didn’t have enough trouble with the failing business and the diabetic daughter, now has a stepson with a drinking problem. Or maybe just an alcohol smuggling problem — the lad had tucked the beverage in his backpack, but it was unclear whether he intended to imbibe or just wanted to be the most popular kid at the party. Gabe asks Sarah not to tell his dad, but we all know nobody in this family can keep a secret. Too bad she and Joe have different disciplinary styles, as she attempts to impose some and he questions her authority to do so.

Tommy, who has his own disciplinary problems with his mom, who decides to come to work at the family business right after Justin (in another pleasant family visit) spills the beans that Holly is doing so. Holly insists on an office or else she’ll sell her stock to a competitor, so then Nora insists on an office or she’ll, I don’t know, dock someone’s allowance. Nora claims she’s there to “counteract” Holly, but sadly, her way of doing that is to act like a doofus to counteract Holly’s acting like a business professional. She messes up the switchboard, she lets people bring their dogs to work, and after Holly ends a very effective presentation to the board by very tactlessly invoking William’s memory, she blathers on about avocados. And Tommy’s role in all this? Trying to find new ways to say Mom, cut that out! that will not win him an all-expenses-paid trip to the doghouse.

All this bickering between Kitty and Kevin and Joe and Sarah and Tommy and Nora comes to a head at Justin’s family therapy day, which is supposed to be all about him but winds up being all about everybody else. That’s therapeutic, though, as it turns out, because it provides an opportunity for Justin to point out that nobody ever fights with him, and that’s why he’s so screwed up. All the fella needs is to be part of the screwed-up family dynamic, and he can ditch the drugs for good. Besides, on this show, somebody who doesn’t argue all the time? Is going to be seriously lacking in screen time. So everybody: Stop being mean to each other, and be mean to Justin now. Go!

But first, tie up your loose ends. Kitty, agree to look out for Kevin’s rights. Joe, discipline your son so that he hates you and your wife equally. Nora, stop going to the office, but don’t forget to leave Tommy that shipment of guilt on the way out. Now, let’s all focus on Justin, who wants to play a tape Nora sent him when he was at war, all about his terrific and wonderful and much-more-civil-on-Memorex brothers and sisters. Ah, Justin. If you want people to be mean to you, you have to stop doing such sweet and sentimental things. You’ve got more rehab to go, guy. Time to hit the beach.

Original air date: 1/7/07

_{Photo: ABC.com}