Brothers & Sisters

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Robert Alexander McCallister and Katherine Anne Walker … but first, there are some pre-ceremony activities to attend to.

For example, Robert has to ensure that his extended family of wacky relatives realizes that the wedding is an artichoke-free zone. He also has to casually inform Kitty that he has, unilaterally, decided they should write their own vows. He, of course, is done, and you just know it’s going to be good. So Kitty flees home to Mom, both to be apart from her groom on the night before the wedding, and to come up with meaningful words worthy of a professional pundit.

Justin, meanwhile, still needs to find a date to the wedding, and … well, why not invite that girl next to you in bed? Never mind that it’s Lena, your brother’s, er, office manager. She’s real understanding when you go on about your disapproving dad, and your wasted past. And she’s known pain herself, what with that bad affair with a married man, a guy you probably don’t know at all.

So what if Tommy looks stricken when you come in with your late RSVP? Dude’s probably just stressed from the prospect of losing a bet over Kitty actually making it to the altar. Turns out the Walker boys have quite a bit of action riding on the age at which their sister will marry. Tommy has 30s or 40s, Justin has 50 or older, and Kevin has never. Is anyone taking bets on how long it’s going to take for Julia to find out what Tommy was up to while she was hiding out with her parents? Kevin and Saul want him to believe that his secret is safe with them, but I’m not sure that anything that’s known by more than one Walker can accurately be described as a “secret�? in the first place.

The odds of Kitty actually making vows depends on her making them up, and she’s not getting much help from the Internet, or from Sarah, whose suggestions run along the lines of “Our love is like the war: out of control, endless, without reason.�? But there is one ray of hope: Nora will be giving her The Talk, which thankfully is not about sex but, as Sarah recalls, about the wonders and joys of marriage. Trouble is, Nora’s learned a few things about her own marriage since she gave that speech to Sarah years ago, and none of them were good. So the speech she starts to give an eager Kitty is not all lollipops and roses and vow-worthy inspiration, but a warning to hold fast to her own identity in the soul-crushing institution that is holy matrimony. So much for Kitty’s rare moment of actually wanting to hear something her mother has to say.

Of course, the vows aren’t all that’s going on this wedding morning. Rebecca’s coordinating the seating plans and Secret Service arrangements. Kitty’s hairstyle is a matter of some concern. And then there’s a little outside trouble, too: Isaac calls to warn Kitty that a story’s about to break casting doubt on Robert’s alleged act of wartime heroism. Oooh, remember when Kitty and Kevin thought they put out that fire? It’s back a-blazing, and at the worst possible time. Isaac offers his assistance as a wedding gift, and that guest list is expanding again. Oh, Rebecca? About that seating plan? Put Isaac next to the mother of the bride.

And now, finally, everybody’s in their tuxes and purty dresses with their hair all done-up, gathered at Tommy’s winery for the fiesta of awkwardness that will inevitably take place. Let’s get started, shall we? Tommy asks Kevin and Scotty if they’re back together, and Kevin manages to stutter something about them still defining “we.�? Speaking of a poorly defined “we,�? here comes Justin and Lena! And you’ve got to hand it to Lena, who … the timeline’s been fuzzy, but wasn’t she just invited this morning? Yet she’s got the hairdo and the dress and the “take that!�? look for Tommy done to a tee.

The only thing that could make this little cluster of current and ex and in-between flames more awkward is the arrival of Julia, and — well, here she is, being perfectly nice to Lena and perfectly impervious to the look of horror on her husband’s face. Fortunately, Julia’s not there to chit-chat, she’s looking for Isaac at Kitty’s request. The bride is currently multi-tasking, still vow-hunting while doing her own hair and makeup, having turned the stylists away. Then, with Isaac’s arrival, she’s campaign-running, too, telling him Robert’s story, and the details of how she tried to handle it. The one thing she’s not doing is talking to her mother, though Nora’s trying hard to get a moment with her.

Meanwhile, outside of the bride’s inner sanctum, more guests are arriving. There’s Stan, Nora’s old hippie boyfriend, surprised to find himself not only at a Republican wedding but at the wedding of a Republican senator who, let’s face it, he may well have mooned at some time or other. Major Weiner … that is, Uncle Jack … arrives with Robert’s kids, and quickly gives the cold shoulder to Kevin for dumping Jason. Kevin tries to make happy pre-wedding small-talk with Robert, but gets dumped on by him, too. Kevin’s lucky there was no artichoke jello mold being served this time, because he would probably be wearing it.

Paige and Cooper are there, looking adorable in their flower-girl and ring-bearer regalia, respectively. Grandma Ida’s not there — stuck in an airport in Denver, don’t you know, much to the relief of Stan, and Saul, and Nora. And of course, William’s not there, leaving Kitty feeling a little blue. Still, it’s time to gather the bridal attendants; Rebecca has just enough time to chat with moody Lena and figure out that Tommy was her “married man�? before she takes her walk down the aisle.

Sarah’s last words to Kitty regarding the vows are to tell the truth. Nora’s last words, pouring out as she walks Kitty down the aisle, are that Kitty could never lose her identity and Nora is real proud of her. Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for since we saw it on entertainment shows and network previews: Kitty and Robert, together, in front of the nonsectarian marriage invoking person. Robert gives his vows, and they are indeed aww-inducing. But instead of giving some sweet ones back, Kitty asks to speak to Robert in private. Inspiring her brothers to assume Tommy’s lost his bet.

While the bride is filling the groom in on the coming cataclysm for his presidential campaign and the dirty tricks she and Kevin undertook to try to stop it, the guests wait outside, chatting and drinking and looking for trouble. Nora’s afraid that maybe her discouraging words have chilled Kitty’s feet, but all’s well: Robert’s determined to wed no matter what, he’s understanding of Kitty’s actions and undaunted by the scandal to come, and soon enough they’re back at the altar, Kitty’s finding some nice words to say, and these two are wed.

That’s good news for Tommy, who can now cash in on a successful wager. What’s bad news for Tommy is that Rebecca — after checking with Kevin to make sure that Walkers do indeed tell each other everything, whether it’s a good idea or not — hightails it to Justin and shares what she’s learned about Lena’s doomed affair. Justin takes the news that his brother had his girlfriend first about as well as you’d expect, which is not well at all. Soon he and Tommy are shouting and shoving and getting rounded up by Secret Service agents, who in the interest of keeping the peace have sequestered Kevin (who jokingly said he’d like to kill McCallister), Stan (who dealt with the stress of being at a Republican wedding by putting a controlled substance in his pipe and smoking it), and now the brothers grim in a storeroom.

Things are getting tense outside the makeshift hoosegow, too. Robert and Kitty are deputizing Isaac to sling some mud at the man telling tales on Robert, and stop the story from spreading. Scotty, already annoyed by how much it upset Kevin to have the McCallisters all hating on him, now can’t find his sorta boyfriend at all; meanwhile, Nora’s wondering where Stan’s got to, and if Holly’s involved in his disappearance. No worries — Holly, who’s presumably there because it’s her winery, too, that’s hosting the wedding, and not because she was on the guest list, is reminiscing with Saul about their not-really romance, and the difficulty of finding the right person (and/or gender). Lena doesn’t have to wait around long wondering where her date went to, because Rebecca lets her know that she let Justin know about Tommy. After sniping a bit over Rebecca’s own history of married-man-messing-around, Lena splits.

So do Kitty and Robert, sooner than expected. They do get one dance in, and Robert frees the Secret Service captives, and thanks Kevin for his blackmailing service. But then, the newlyweds decide to make an early start on their honeymoon, and take their leave. Robert’s got the inside of the plane all decked out in flowers, and it’s romantic enough to make us forget that there’s a political landmine under their feet and a lack of understanding about family planning hanging over their heads. For tonight, the sky’s the limit.

As the wedding party winds down, Stan dumps Nora for being uncool, man, leaving her to hang out with Isaac — a much better romantic, or at least debate, partner anyway. Kevin and Scotty head home, and have a disagreement over how over Jason Kevin is. Rebecca visits with Sarah after the kids are in bed, and asks why Sarah told her about her father in the first place. Sarah admits it was to get back at Holly, and Rebecca admits she kissed Joe to get back at Sarah. While still in a confessional mood, Rebecca goes ahead and tells Sarah about Lena and Tommy, too … eliciting not anger from Sarah, or blame of Rebecca for telling the tale, but a sort of resigned sadness. Yes, that’s right, all men are scum, even your beloved brothers.

Nora and Isaac wind up back in her kitchen, still squabbling in a friendly way over coffee. Isaac finds out by cell-phone that his efforts to squash the story of Robert’s less-than-heroism did not succeed, and it will be on the Drudge Report site in the morning. Nora discourages him from warning Robert now; let those crazy kids have a night off before it all goes crazy.

Bad gossip isn’t the only threat afoot here at episode’s end, though. Back at the winery, where Holly is just shutting things down after the wedding takeover, there’s one uninvited guest still skulking around: a guy named David, who Holly appears to know but not be unreservedly happy to see. He makes some small talk and takes some ominous interest in a photo of Rebecca, before Holly cuts him off at the chase and ask him what he wants just as the episode ends.

So what does he want? And when will we know it? There’s no preview following the episode, no clue of what’s coming up, and no promise of when the next episode’s coming. Hey, it could be worse: at least they didn’t leave us hanging in the middle of the vows.

For more recaps of “Holy Matrimony!” check these sites:

• TV Guide
• Entertainment Weekly
• TV Squad
• Television Without Pity
• AfterElton

and come back here tomorrow for a round-up of memorable lines.

_{Photo: ABC.com}

Brothers and Sisters, ABC, Holy Matrimony, recap