Brothers & Sisters

Yesterday, we speculated that Robert’s would be the Shocking Death promised by the Brothers & Sisters promo. Today, we move on to another possible farm-buyer, inept corporate crook Tommy. Could Robert’s alleged health crisis just be a decoy?

Prospective corpse: Tommy Walker

Why it might be him: There’s been no secret about the fact that Balthazar Getty’s employment status with the show would be changing soon. Between his tabloid exploits with Sienna Miller, reported on-set tantrums, and status as Walker We Would Be Least Likely to Miss, it’s not surprising that Tommy’s attempt to re-take Ojai from Holly has become a one-way ticket to Trouble. We’ve been assuming that Tommy might be going to jail or on the lam, allowing for some actor rehabilitation and possible future return to the cast. But maybe things haven gotten so bad that it’s time for a Tragic Accident. Robert has a health crisis and it looks like he’s going to be the one to go, then just as he pulls through and the family starts to celebrate, the news comes that Tommy’s been hit by a truck. You know, like this. Lotta thirtysomething DNA in this show. They know from the death bait and switch.

Why it probably won’t be: Recent reports have indicated a bigger role for Getty next year than previously speculated upon, so unless it’s a massive campaign of misinformation, I think the dude’s sticking around. Honestly, if the powers-that-be are capable of tricking us into thinking Getty’s staying so they can surprise us with Tommy’s death, then they’re capable of giving us better storylines than we’re getting. Prioritize!

Why I hope it’s not: I don’t know, are we really ready to knock off a core Walker, even so annoying a one as Tommy has become? He may be dispensable to the plot, but not to the family. These people are still not done reacting to William’s death, three seasons in. Seems to me the emotional stakes are too high, and there are too many other things going on, to croak an actual brother or sister. The show can certainly stand Tommy’s indefinite disappearance, but if they killed him, I’d be afraid of him stepping out of the shower a season or two down the line to declare it all a dream.

Tomorrow’s Death Watch: Trish and the Little McCallister-to-Be

A funny thing happened while I was watching last week’s Brothers & Sisters episode, “Going Once … Going Twice.”

I started liking Tommy again.

No one is more surprised than me. I’ve found Tommy insufferable since the stupid Lena affair of Season Two, and his manhandling of his siblings’ career prospects so far this season hasn’t bought him any sympathy. Oh, what, now you’re unhappy with Holly? Boo hoo.

But in this latest episode, he was back to his old, good-fitting role from Season One — gruff, wisecracking big brother. In his anecdote about distracting young Kitty by letting her write his term paper, and his snarky asides about Paul, and the way Sarah said, “You are so not as funny as you think you are,” he was an amusing, comfortable presence.

Also faring well in relatively insignificant parts this time around were Rebecca, with her share of bemused asides, and Robert, befuddled in a full-on Walker phone melee. These are characters that sometimes take over the storyline in ways that distract us from the Walkers, but this episode was proof that it doesn’t have to be that way — they’re strong when they’re providing an outside viewpoint on Walker madness.

I continue to feel that the show’s really missing out on some fun by not giving us some prolonged spouse interaction. I can imagine some really funny exchanges between Robert, Julia, Scotty, and Rebecca. Gads, give them a bridge club or something. Give us a show where we see the action from their perspective. Have all the Walkers storm out of a dinner and turn the bottles of wine over to the lookers-on. There’s potential there, don’t you think?

And while the writers are at it, can we keep Tommy bearable like this? He’s never going to be the strongest character (or actor) on the show, but he works great as a funny sibling foil.

If they threw a Brothers & Sisters story arc and Tommy was hardly in it, would anyone even notice?

Aside from the spectacularly ill-advised affair storyline from last season, and a blip of activity with the birth of a winery and a baby at the end of Season 1, Balthazar Getty’s character hasn’t exactly been what you’d call high profile.

Of course, now the actor is high profile in a bad way, his affair with Sienna Miller splashed across the tabloids, and that’s led some to call for his firing. Or, in the case of a questioner in Entertainment Weekly’s “Ask Ausiello” column, Tommy’s death:

Question: Brothers & Sisters has dealt with a lot of tragedy over the last two seasons, but the one place they have yet to go is the death of one of the Walker children. Given that Balthazar Getty is getting his fair share of bad press lately, and the character of Tommy is already underused in an increasingly overcrowded cast, I can’t help but wonder: Are Getty’s, and thus Tommy’s, days numbered? It actually could be a decent story line and would give every actor material that they would knock out of the park. — Katelyn

Ausiello: While I’m sure there are a few people at ABC who would love to see Tommy go belly-up in the Walker pool, I don’t think it’s happening anytime soon. “It’s really important to separate ourselves from [Getty's troubles] in every way,” says exec producer and sometime guest star Ken Olin. “As long as he continues to do his work and be committed to his work, then his personal business is his own. Frankly, I don’t have any judgment about it… It’s got to be really hard when your life blows up that way. I feel for him. But as much as possible, all of us have tried to divorce ourselves from that part of his life.” So, is it just a coinky-dink that the next batch of B&S episodes to be shot are decidedly Tommy-light? Olin insists it is. “There’s a period where he’s lighter in the show, but that follows a period of him being very present in the show,” he maintains. “It’s more of a situation where you need some characters to drop back so you can bring other characters forward. You’ll see that Holly is very present for a number of episodes, and then for a couple she is much lighter. That’s the ebb and flow of having a big ensemble drama.”

If this means less of Tommy hanging around the Ojai Foods offices twisting the knife in Sarah’s back, I’m all for it. Perhaps when they do bring the guy more heavily into the action, he can actually have something worthwhile to do? I’ve always liked Tommy better as a stand-up guy than as a weasel. The one thing that stinks about Tommy being lightly used for a block of episodes is that it probably means Julia will be lightly used or typically nonexistent.

Maybe they can ship Tommy off for a wine research trip to France, and his family can make sure Julia and Lizzie are included in family gatherings and TV nights and road trips. Maybe she can fit in some spa time with her sisters-in-law. Maybe she can do some bonding with her fellow Walker spouses. Julia’s suffered plenty from the stupid way Tommy’s been written of late. She shouldn’t have to suffer from the actor’s stupidity, too.

Brothers and Sisters, Balthazar Getty, Ken Olin

Hey, Pantload!

Sorry to borrow Justin’s epithet from a couple of episodes ago, but frankly, you stink.

When you’re feeling all superior to Sarah because her affair ruined a company and yours didn’t, you might keep a couple of things in mind:

It is only by the grace of your wife that you are not in divorce court right now, with your share of Walker Landing on the chopping block, and

It is only by the low-self-esteem of Lena that you were not hit with a multi-million-dollar sexual harassment suit that could have sent your little company reeling.

If you haven’t found out already, you soon will that Sarah’s mistake was not in having an affair with a consultant, but in trusting somebody who was not trustworthy. You might want to mull that one over a bit as you install your father’s mistress as the CEO of your family business, you smug SOB.

I used to like you, Tommy. I used to be you. I sympathized with your resentment of the way your father leap-frogged Sarah over you into Ojai’s top spot, and I respected your decision to walk away and start something of your own.

Which is why coming back this way, gleefully maximizing the humiliation of your suffering sis, is not what I want to see from you at all.

It’s been a rocky year for you, Tommy, a character-changing year, and not in a good way. You’ve got one more episode to prove that you really are an upstanding family guy after all. Don’t let me down.

– Terri

_{Photo: ABC.com}

Brothers and Sisters, ABC, Tommy Walker, Balthazar Getty, commentary

Surely we don’t want to revisit the mucked-up mutual-infidelity storyline these two got caught in this season. But these former partners are out there, poised to make trouble if our prayers to the writing gods go unheard. The series of check-ups of Tommy and family continues with a look at these misbegotten love interests:

Lena
Tommy’s new office manager was in the right place at the right time when Julia abandoned Tommy and stayed out of touch. When Tommy finally broke it off, just in time for Julia’s return, Lena took Justin as her consolation prize. But she still held a torch for Tommy until he snuffed it out, and she left town. Hooray! Prognosis: I hope I speak for everybody when I say good riddance, Lena, and get lost. I’m not looking for any stories from this Friend of Rebecca in the future, and I will imagine her residing happily in the Land of Lost Love Interests, maybe flirting with Nora’s sleazy old college professor Mark. But if Emily Rose has some sort of blackmail info on a B&S PTB that makes her return inevitable, there could be some small, sad amusement in having her come back pregnant and fixing to make trouble for Tommy, when everybody else will know the baby has to be Justin’s. Being a dad might not be a bad grow-up move for that slacker boy, but I’d much prefer she just leave the infant in a basket on the doorstep and get the heck back out of town.

Julia’s Old Boyfriend
While she was working off her depression with her parents in Arizona, Julia hooked up with an old high school boyfriend. And that’s a little confusing, because on the ABC.com B&S site, Julia’s bio says she dated Tommy in high school, and Tommy’s bio says this about the time after he dropped out of school to work in the family business: “By this time, he had gotten back together with Julia Ridge, his high school sweetheart.” So, was it the Ridges’ move to Arizona during high school that broke Tommy and Julia up, and introduce her to a new HS boyfriend? He’s got to be from AZ, because otherwise Tommy would have known him, and he wouldn’t have had a reason to be around to distract Julia from her grieving. Unless her dad had him flown in to woo her away from Tommy … nah, it’s probably just that the writing hand doesn’t know what the PR hand is doing. Prognosis: And that’s more than I hope we ever have to think about that fellow again. Though I’ll bet that, even as we speak, Mr. Ridge is trying to persuade the guy to pay Julia a visit. As befits the Father-in-Law From Hell.

Brothers and Sisters, ABC, Tommy, Julia, Lena

Continuing on in a series of posts on the characters of Brothers & Sisters — where they’ve been, where they’re at, and where we’d like them to go — let’s continue with Tommy’s family and the little boy lost.

Origins: Baby William died shortly after his birth, going to keep company with his grandfather William in … well, Tommy made like both Williams would be going to the same place, but he’s an optimist.

Progress: Though Lizzie’s brother never came home from the hospital, he sure managed to cause some trouble on the home front, with his mother’s mourning causing a rift between his parents. Julia felt that the death of a baby trumped Nora’s worries over Justin, and stayed away from the Walkers because seeing all those brothers and sisters made her think of Lizzie’s missing brother. Finally, she outright blamed Tommy for William’s death and left him.

Current Status: Tommy and Julia and Lizzie are back together now, but there’s not been much mention of the missing little family member.

Concerns: I wish they’d never gone the twin route if they were just going to kill one of them off — it just seems like a cheap way to make a birth dramatic but still have a healthy baby at the end of it. Since they did go there, I have mixed emotions. It would be disrespectful of families who’ve gone through a similar tragedy to just forget Baby William ever existed. But they can’t let him hijack the plot again. Not that mourning was inappropriate in this situation, but Julia’s accusation that Tommy was responsible for William’s death came out of nowhere, and seems to have gone back there. This is something that needs to be talked out, in counseling most likely, and made peace with, in a way that William can be remembered in the future without being a constant marital sore spot.

Prognosis: As Colleen mentioned in the comments on Lizzie’s check-up, there’s a scene ahead marking the youngest Walker’s birthday, and most likely a remembrance of her brother’s death. Perhaps some tradition can be established as a way to commemorate William’s life each year, even if he’s not mentioned much in between. Let’s hope it doesn’t include Kitty naming a boy child after both Williams, though; that name’s jinxed.

Second Opinion: Sylviane thought Julia’s anger at Tommy about William’s death didn’t come so out-of-nowhere after all. What are your thoughts about William? Share them in the comments.

_{Photo: ABC.com}

Brothers and Sisters, ABC, William

Continuing on in a series of posts on the characters of Brothers & Sisters — where they’ve been, where they’re at, and where we’d like them to go — let’s continue with Tommy’s family and Daddy’s little girl.

Origins: Of the twins born to Tommy and Julia at the end of Season 1, Elizabeth’s the one who survived. Though Tommy’s her dad, her sperm donor was either Uncle Kevin or Uncle Justin.

Progress: We haven’t seen much of little Lizzie, what with her being in the hospital for quite some time, then in Arizona with her depressed mom and maternal grandparents. Grandma Ridge must have been a good babysitter, because Mommy, who was run ragged dealing with Lizzie’s fussing at home, had time to go out and have an affair with some old boyfriend.

Current Status: Elizabeth’s back home with both parents now, and they’ve decided to stay together for her sake. Apparently whatever baby sedatives she was given in AZ are still working, because Mommy was able to go out and have lunch with Daddy and glare at his mistress.

Concerns: It’s been suggested in the comments on Tommy and Julia’s check-ups that we ought to find out who Elizabeth’s biological father is, and more specifically, that it should be Kevin. And the very idea of that plotline makes me want to cry like a, well, baby. I found the whole sperm donor thing to be fraught with soap suds at the time; let’s please don’t bring it up again now. Season 15 or 16, when Lizzie’s an obnoxious teenager with daddy issues, then the writers can have Aunt Rebecca take her for some secret DNA tests. For now? No, no, please no.

Prognosis: I’ve wished ill on this poor defenseless babe by suggesting a special-needs storyline. Sorry, Lizzie. It’s the only way you’re going to get any significant screen time, babe. Short of that, maybe Mom and Dad can take a second honeymoon to Hawaii, and leave you with Aunt Kitty for a while. Do your best to make her rethink this baby thing, ’cause if she goes ahead and has an infant of her own? You’re getting upstaged but good.

Second Opinion: Colleen suggests that Elizabeth and Julia should hang out at the park with Sarah and her kids, and I’d sure love to see these sisters-in-law face down those obnoxious moms. What are your thoughts about Elizabeth? Share them in the comments.

_{Photo: ABC.com}

Brothers and Sisters, ABC, Elizabeth

Continuing on in a series of posts on the characters of Brothers & Sisters — where they’ve been, where they’re at, and where we’d like them to go — let’s continue with Tommy’s family and consider spouse Julia.

Origins: Early on, Julia didn’t have much to do but be supportive, and offer the occasional bit of outsider perspective during sibling confabs.

Progress: Trying to get pregnant, dealing with Tommy’s infertility, and getting shot up with her brothers-in-law’s sperm put Julia in the spotlight a time or two, and dealing with the twins’ perilous birth, baby William’s death, baby Elizabeth’s fussing, and post-partum depression gave her some drama. Yet she’s still seemed like an afterthought. Tommy at least got some screen time from his affair storyline; Julia just disapperaed.

Current Status: Forgiving and forgetting will be easier now that Tommy’s paramour Lena has split town. Marriage counseling, further reconciliation, and parenting challenges apparently lie ahead, possibly offstage.

Concerns: We really don’t know much more about Julia now than we did when the show started, except that her father is an SOB. In this crowded cast, it’s hard to get a foothold, and although Sarah Jane Morris has been an agreeable background presence, she’s not had much of an opportunity to interact with the ensemble. (It would have been nice, for example, for Julia’s return to have been timed so that she could have gone on that bridal shopping expedition with Kitty, Sarah, and Rebecca.) As long as Julia exists only in scenes with Tommy or whole-family scenes, she’s going to suffer in screen time.

Prognosis: I’ve already mentioned, in the Tommy profile, the special-needs storyline I’d like to see for these new parents — being a battling autism mom, say, could give Julia some pretty fierce scenes. But on a smaller scale, I’d like to advocate for the increased inclusion of in-laws in the family circle. Joe and Julia both had trouble breaking out of their spouse’s orbits, but maybe Robert’s presence now will change that. If he needs someone to snark about Walkers with, Julia should step right up.

Second Opinion: Sarah Jane Morris’s mom has a different special-needs storyline in mind, giving Julia a brother with Down syndrome, and a part to the actress’s own brother. Read her posts in the comments, and share your own thoughts there, too.

_{Photo: ABC.com}

Brothers and Sisters, ABC, Julia, Sarah Jane Morris

Continuing on in a series of posts on the characters of Brothers & Sisters — where they’ve been, where they’re at, and where we’d like them to go — we turn today to eldest brother Tommy.

Origins: In the show’s early days, Tommy was the island of respectability and responsibility amidst his siblings’ turmoil. He’d followed his father’s footsteps into the business, and was not happy when William clearly valued Sarah’s business degree over his Ojai experience when putting her in charge.

Progress: Things just got more disappointing for Tommy from there. His infertility forced him to ask his brothers for sperm to impregnate wife Julia. His efforts to get through to wayward brother Justin met with resentment. His efforts to get Ojai into the wine business failed, so he left the company to start his own winery with Holly, his father’s mistress. The winery’s opening ended tragically when Julia gave birth prematurely, and one twin died. In a fit of post-partum depression and mourning, Julia took the other twin and left Tommy, leaving him to find comfort in an affair with his office manager, Lena.

Current Status: The affair’s over now, Julia and baby Elizabeth are back, and both spouses have confessed to infidelity. Tommy and Julia have decided to stay together and get some marriage counseling. And, perhaps, drift back into plot obscurity.

Concerns: Poor Tommy, overlooked middle child. The writers just do not know what to do with him. He was underused in Season 1, and used very badly so far in Season 2. Perhaps his role of upright observer of sibling silliness was usurped by Robert, but the answer to that was not, I think, making him a callous horndog. I don’t know if the problem is that each of the other siblings has a more interesting “hook” for storylines, or that Balthazar Getty’s the least charismatic actor of the bunch … but honestly, if the writers can’t think of something to do with Tommy and Julia, ship them off to run a winery in France and have them call at Christmas.

Prognosis: Before the season started, I had hoped that there might be a special-needs parenting storyline for Tommy and Julia. I still think there’s a lot of dramatic potential there, and it would give them a hook. Could be some juicy Grandma stories in it for Nora, too.

Second Opinion: Scott thinks the writers should keep pairing Tommy with Kevin and Sarah. What are your thoughts on Tommy? Share them in the comments.

_{Photo: ABC.com}

Brothers and Sisters, ABC, Tommy, Balthazar Getty

Happy #33 to Balthazar Getty, who was born on this day in 1975 in Los Angeles. To celebrate this special day, I had intended to go back through the memorable lines round-ups for this past season-plus-ten, and pick out some choice bits of Tommy dialog. But he’s really not so much with the speeches and freestanding quips — not like Sarah, for example.

Still, though Tommy’s seldom solo in the spotlight, he does have a nice way with the snide remark or snarky exchange with a sibling. So, in honor of this team player, here are some memorable verbal vollies from the Brother Most Likely to Be Like Dad.

From “Patriarchy”

Justin: Hey, does anybody want to go out? There is this great bar in Chinatown we could tear up.

Tommy: Do they allow people with jobs to go there?

Justin: Can I ask you a question?

Tommy: The answer is no, you can’t borrow my surfboard. No, I don’t have any money to lend you. And yes, girls still think you’re cute.

William: And I must announce with some trepidation that you’re no longer grounded.

Justin: When she was 14, she was grounded indefinitely.

Jonathan: What for?

Kitty: Oh, it had something to do with cigarettes and surfboards.

Tommy: And shoplifting, and a boy named Pablo.

From “Family Portrait”

Justin: I can listen while pouring.
Tommy: You can barely listen while hearing.

Tommy: You know how some people run out of chances in life and you can smell it on them?

Justin: So you are Dad now. At least we know.

Tommy: Everybody else might sit around and feel bad for you, but I won’t.

Justin: I didn’t ask for your sympathy, and I certainly didn’t ask for your help.

Tommy: When are you going to grow up?

Justin: You’re a piece of work, just like dad.

Tommy: I’m not like him. Dad never stopped caring about what you did with your life. I do. I stop right now. I stop today.

From “Northern Exposure”

Kevin: You know, this whole anonymity thing is a joke. If the kid’s well-dressed and witty, it’s mine.

Justin: You don’t stand a chance. My little dudes have been to war.

Kevin: And stoned for the last 10 years.

Tommy: That’s enough sperm talk for the rest of my life.

Justin: You’re not going to ask us for a kidney, are you?
Tommy: I wouldn’t touch your kidney with a ten foot pole.

(more…)

“The Feast of the Epiphany,” the new Brothers & Sisters episode playing this Sunday with 100 percent less Golden Globe competition, has a new promo up on YouTube, and reproduced below. It looks like something that might have aired this past Sunday night, when I was purposely not watching Cashmere Mafia.

The quality’s not great, but it’s good enough that you can hear … wait, did I just hear Julia say that she slept with someone? That’s a good way of twisting her reaction to Tommy’s infidelity, I guess — infidelity all around! No harm, then! The infidelities cancel out! Let’s go right back to the way things were. Not sure it really works that way, but it’s an angle on the situation I didn’t expect. I hope Sarah Jane Morris was right about them staying together, and that this isn’t just a way to grease the rails for her exit.

(And I’ll say this very quietly, because I know most of y’all think this is a stupid idea, but … this might also be a good way to slip in there with something about Nora having cheated once, too, in case they want to do that thing with Justin not being a Walker. Not that they will. Surely not!)

Anyway, enjoy the small slice of Walker chaos below, and look forward to a large helping on Sunday night. It will have to be enough to fill us for a while, because the following Sunday, January 20? Re-run again. Way to milk those last few pre-strike episodes, ABC! Scott mentions in a comment on an earlier post that the episodes are being saved for sweeps, and I guess that’s a nice vote of confidence. Except … I want my show back now! Surely we’ve learned from Jason and Julia how wrong things can go when people stay away too long.

Brothers and Sisters, ABC, Julia, Sarah Jane Morris, promos

There’s no indication at this time when the next new episode of Brothers & Sisters will come our way, but given the writers’ tendency toward theme episodes, I’m thinking that the big revelation of Robert McCallister’s wartime less-than-heroism will make a good setting for the more personal revelation of Thomas Walker’s less-than-fidelity.

It’s really all but revealed. Most of his family knows. He and Justin were shouting about it before the Secret Service nabbed them. The number of loose lips with access to this information is large, and growing. It’s hard to believe Julia stayed in the dark through the wedding, much less another whole episode.

So that leaves us to ponder, through this coming month of re-runs and pre-emptions, just exactly how the shit is going to hit the fan. And I’ll tell you, the most predictable scenarios aren’t working for me, mostly because they’ve been done, recently. Julia’s already left Tommy and gone home to mother once this season. We’re not that many episodes removed from Sarah’s divorce plotline. Anger at straying husbands has been a theme since the show began with revelations about William.

Is there any possibility, I wonder, that they could go in another direction?

I’m not saying Julia should condone Tommy’s behavior. Infidelity is serious, though in this case as in many it is more a symptom of problems in a marriage than a cause. But the fact that Julia has not been the most well-defined character — and that her recent withdrawal from Tommy could be attributed to post-partum depression and not a lack of love for the guy — gives the writers some latitude in crafting her reaction.

If it were up to me? I think I’d like Julia to figure it out for herself rather than have Tommy confess. I’d like her to make him suffer a little, before throwing him out. I’d like to see a scene between Nora and Julia in which Nora acknowledges the pain of being cheated on, but advocates fighting for your marriage and your family, as she did when she first found out about William and Holly years ago. And then, to ensure that the affair doesn’t continue secretly for years the way William and Holly’s did, I’d like to see Julia give Lena a smackdown that sends her running out of town (a Bear Claw upside the head!). Finally, I’d like to see the marriage live, though with an altered balance of power; Julia was sort of a Stepford Wife last year, and she needs to now be an equal force in her household. And make Tommy pay for his indiscretion in small ways for a long time. I’d like, in short, for her to become a character.

Don’t know if that’s how it will go down. But I do know that I’d hate for this to be a show on which there can only be one marriage at a time — if nothing else, because it sets the clock ticking on Kitty and Robert in a way I wish it wouldn’t be.

_{Photo: ABC.com}

Brothers and Sisters, ABC, commentary

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Tommy Walker, and how this new plot that has him apparently having an affair with the office manager while his wife struggles with depression at her faraway parents’ house, presents a decidedly different model from the one we met last season.

Tommy was originally established as the stable, steady brother with the good marriage and the business sense who could be sort of a viewer surrogate in rolling his eyes and smiling at the outrageous doings of his brothers and sisters. He had a few challenges — infertility, anger at Justin — but he seemed in general the least neurotic and most down-to-earth of the bunch. And I’m not saying this just because I am Tommy, according to the “Which Walker Are You” quiz.

The show certainly needs one bemused voice of reason among the chaos. But I think something happened around midseason last year that brought Tommy to the reason-free rounder he is now: The arrival of Robert McCallister. He’s kind of taken over that, “Well, they’re nuts, but they’re family” attitude that grounds the Walker shenanigans in an amusing way.

(more…)

Kristin from E! has Brothers & Sisters scoop on her latest Spoiler Chat column. I’ll hide it after the jump, so if you want to know what’s apparently in store for Joe and Sarah and Tommy, click on the ink to read more, and if not, just sit there and revel in your ignorance.

(more…)

Yeah, we’re all high-minded TV viewers into discussing the intricacies of plotting and fine acting, but heck, it’s Friday, it’s been a stressful week, and who really couldn’t use a little dose of mindless celebrity gossip right about now? Here’s a sampling of news flashes from Gossip Land, gleaned from all the Google alerts that have been building up in my mailbox:

Rob Lowe Killed a Bird!
An unfortunate golf ball incident at a charity game in Iowa got Lowe’s name in a lot of online items this week. While it was undoubtedly embarrassing for the actor and lethal for the goldfinch, it did give Lowe an opportunity to show again that he has a pretty healthy sense of humor about himself. According to an ABC News report: “As the rest of the players in his group broke out in laughter and applause, Lowe raised his arms in mock celebration. ‘That’s my birdie,’ he said after looking at the bird, which lay motionless on the ground. ‘That’s unbelievable. Who comes here and kills the state bird? Only me.’”

Calista Flockhart Will Not Marry!
Lowe’s onscreen fiancee has no intention of wedding anybody offscreen, no matter what the gossips keep saying about Harrison Ford proposing. According to the recent round of non-stories about the non-marriage, Flockhart is quoted as declaring: “Marriage is not important to me. My belief system doesn’t work that way. I feel like our commitment is made in other ways, so I’m very happy (with the way things are).” Celebrity wedding denials often directly precede celebrity weddings, so expect much more fact-free speculation in the weeks and months to come.

Marika Dominczyk Did Marry!
One celebrity couple who actually announced an engagement and followed through on it is Marika Dominczyk, who played Justin’s girlfriend Tyler, and actor Scott Foley, currently of The Unit. According to US Magazine, “The couple wed on Tuesday in a modern Hawaiian ceremony before approximately 30 guests at an exclusive private resort.” If this was a Walker wedding, everyone would jump into the ocean after.

Eric Winter Is Dating a Woman!
And in the time-honored tradition of actors playing gay characters coincidentally being photographed with their beautiful real-life girlfriends, Winter, who plays Kevin’s potential love interest Jason, is shown on the blog Televisionista smooching with Roselyn Sanchez from Without a Trace, whom he has been dating for over a year. They were caught by the camera at a film premiere in her native Puerto Rico.

Balthazar Getty’s Having Twins!
Well, his wife is, anyway. The couple joined Grey’s Anatomy cast members, including Balthazar’s buddy Eric Dane, at a fund-raising event recently to help the homeless, at which, according to USA Today, Mrs. Getty “announced that the couple is expecting twin girls in the fall.” Twins? Yikes. How creepy must it be to have a storyline going in which one of your twins dies shortly after birth when you are in fact expecting twins in real life? That kind of makes me hate that plotline even more. And puts me out of the mood for gossip, anyway.

_{Photo: ABC.com}

Brothers and Sisters, ABC, Rob Lowe, Calista Flockhart, Balthazar Getty, Marika Dominczyk, Eric Winter