
As a follow-up to the recap, here are some memorable lines from the episode “Just a Sliver.” Did I miss one of your favorites? Share it in the comments.
Justin: All right, look, I may not be married, but you know what I’m doing right now? I’m vacuuming Rebecca’s floor. Yeah. I’m deep in this.
Tommy: I’d rather spend the weekend with your disapproving parents than spend another holiday with my equally disapproving brother.
Julia: I thought your feud with Kevin was over. You guys seem fine.
Tommy: Yeah, it’s because we’ve been faking it.
Julia: Alright, listen up, Walkers. In all the years I have been married to your brother, we have never gone to my parents’ for Thanksgiving. This time, we are. Everybody needs to get with the program. You’re adults. Stop worrying about your mother. Go over there and tell her the truth.
Sarah: You’re all dead to me.
Tommy: Come on! This — nobody did this on purpose.
Kevin: Yeah, it’s not like we planned this.
Sarah: Joe’s got my kids. Saul’s gone to grandma’s for Thanksgiving. And you’ve all just simultaneously decided to form your own little satellite states like a Balkan uprising. And my neighbor flies to Texas, leaving me with his geriatric cat. Now, you just expect me to believe that’s … a coincidence?
Justin: Sarah, you’ve gotta put a good face on this, alright? Just act like this’ll be fun. You know, it’s you and Mom, hanging out on Thanksgiving, you know, a couple of single girls, ladies’ night, you know? That way she won’t freak out on us.
Sarah: I hope you all get salmonella and die.
Justin: Mom, Holly already has all this stuff.
Nora: Well, how about a turkey. Does she have a turkey? Tell her it’s a gift from me.
Justin: Mom, she doesn’t want your used turkey.
Nora: It’s not used. It’s brand-new. It has no cooties.
Justin: It’s more about the psychological cooties.
Justin: Will it bother you to know … who’s able to help?
Kevin: Not really.
Justin: Yeah, me neither … You think it’ll bother Tommy?
Kevin: It’s not like he doesn’t know it’s either you or me.
Justin: Yeah, that’s true … Pretty sure he wants it to be me, though.
Kevin: Wow. Truly delusional.
Justin: Well, I mean, Kevin, let’s face it. I have better hair, and your nose on a girl? Tragic.
Kevin: You wanna talk S.A.T. scores, pretty boy?
Kitty: I wonder what Kevin and Justin are talking about right now. I mean, they’re about to find out who –
Sarah: Who the father is.
Kitty: No, Tommy is Elizabeth’s father, Sarah.
Sarah: You know what I mean.
Kitty: No, I don’t know what you mean, Sarah, I’m sorry, but words matter.
Sarah: Well, I don’t know what to call them — sperm donors? I don’t think about my brothers’ sperm.
Saul: If you cook it, they will come?
Nora: I cook it, and they’ll forgive me.
Saul: What, Nora? What do you think you need to be forgiven for?
Nora: Oh, I don’t know. I behaved badly. I got mad at everyone because they all made their own plans for Thanksgiving, and I just selfishly wanted the whole family together here like always. And now everybody is here, and I just wish they were all miles and miles away, and safe and sound and healthy.
Saul: Nora, you’re a very powerful woman, but you didn’t cause this, and you can’t fix it.
Nora: I feel so useless, I don’t know what to do with myself.
Saul: Oh, sweetheart. You know what to do. You do what you’ve always done. You comfort them, you support them, you let them know how much you love them. And then, you bake a pumpkin pie from scratch.
Scotty: This hospital has the worst food. It’s not even food. It’s some horrible facsimile of food.
(Kevin, having been ID’d as Elizabeth’s biological father, goes off to be tested)
Justin: You okay?
Scotty: No. … Are you?
Justin: No, not really.
Justin: Yes, I’m relieved, and yes, I’m disappointed. Ma, I don’t know what I’m feeling, okay? The only thing I do know is that it doesn’t feel good.
Nora: Hi, honey, how are you doing?
Kevin: Hey. I’m fine. Well, I’m wearing a dress with no backside. I’ve been better.
Sarah: Okay, I’m ordering Chinese.
Kevin: I can’t eat anything.
Sarah: I know. That’s why I’m going to order everything with shrimp, because you’re allergic.
Kevin: How thoughtful.
Sarah: Yes, I’d like to place an order please. One shrimp lo mein, one special fried rice with shrimp … what do you want, Justin?
Justin: Uh, beef with broccoli.
Sarah: Two beef and broccoli with shrimp.
Nora: When are they taking you in in the morning?
Kevin: Ugh. Some awful hour like 5:00.
Scotty: Kevin, I think what you’re doing is incredible. I don’t think I would be so brave.
Kevin: Well, you’re not a morning person, honey.
Sarah: Hey, Tommy, you hungry? I just ordered Chinese. You can have, uh, shrimp, shrimp, or shrimp.
Tommy: Well, you must be happy, Mom.
Nora: Why on earth would I be happy?
Tommy: Everybody’s here, together for Thanksgiving, just the way you wanted it.
Sarah: Tommy, that’s not fair.
Tommy: Well, then stop treating this like one of your dinner parties. I mean, this isn’t another Walker family get-together.
Kevin: This one needs to be notarized.
Scotty: What is it?
Kevin: Power of attorney.
Scotty: You’re an attorney.
Kevin: Not if I’m on life support. And as my husband, you’d be in charge of pulling the plug or not.
Scotty: Okay, this is all starting to get a little too, um … real.
Kevin: Yeah. I might sign that one in the morning. … It’s a good thing we are married. If it was up to my mother, she’d never pull the plug, and I’d be a vegetable for all eternity.
Nora: Sweetie, it’s gonna be over before you know it. Just relax.
Kevin: Mom, they shaved my chest. I look like Michael Phelps.
Kitty: Oh, I think he’s pretty relaxed.
Kitty: You don’t have to hide your feelings from me. I probably understand a lot more than you think I do.
Tommy: I doubt it.
Kitty: Okay, well, let me take a wild guess. What you can’t talk about is the fact that you’re angry because for some inexplicable reason, Kevin can father a child and you can’t. And now, after everything you’ve been through with Elizabeth, the one thing that she needs the most, you can’t give her, but Kevin can. And what really sucks is that, deep down, you — you resent him for it. And what makes it even worse is that even deeper down, you’re sick of this — this, uh, grudge that you guys are carrying on, and you really, really miss your brother. You know, Tommy, I really wanted to be pregnant, and I would think, well, how do people like Trish just go out … they don’t even want kids, they have a one-night stand, and she’s immediately pregnant. And of course, I’m very grateful that she’s bringing our baby into the world, just as you’re grateful to Kevin. But it — it’s just that — that little part of you that thinks it’s not fair.
Tommy: Maybe you do understand.
Tommy: How’s it going?
Kevin: Oh, you know, I’m on a morphine drip, so I can’t complain. But God … I keep thinking, what if it had been Justin?
Tommy: Well, as soon as he healed, we would’ve had an intervention.
Kevin: Might still need one, the way I’m enjoying this.
Tommy: I’m sorry I fired you. I really am.
Kevin: It’s okay.
Tommy: No, it’s not. Because I put business first, and you know what I figured out? That’s bad for business. Ojai Foods is not about fruit. It never was. It’s about us. It’s about our family.
Saul: Alright, everybody, attention. I have a bottle of sparkling apple cider, and it’s an excellent year.
Sarah: You know, everybody in this building is on some kind of drug, and we can’t even drink. That’s not fair.
Robert: And that’s not sparkling cider.
For more recaps and memorable lines, visit the pages for Season 1, Season 2, and Season 3.
Photo: ABC.com
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